The 3 guys go to the Guinness World Records. One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn’t been feeling well lately. Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Vote: share joke. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. math. He asked the doctor if these will I be able to read the newspaper after wearing glasses?" animal. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." 308. dead baby. - Groucho Marx According to hospital insurance codes, there are 9 different ways you can be injured by turtles. Eye Doctor Jokes. sex. I asked him 'why?' [54641] A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. Man goes to the eye doctor. The man lost 20 pounds in one week! When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills." He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. hide. She went on to defend the comedian, adding, “Now, I love jokes. The patient starts the joke by saying "Doctor, doctor!" funny eye doctor jokes . If I touch my knee - OUCH! He hadn't been feeling well lately so he wanted to know what's wrong. Two doctor jokes. and get some very funny answers! I went to see the doctor the other day. Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes that will brighten up your visit. The first guy says "I have got the smallest arm in? Have a nice day. Absolutely hillarious doctor one-liners! - Wall Street Journal According to hospital insurance codes, there are 3 different ways you can be injured by a lamppost. She said, 'Have a seat, and the doctor will deal with you when he can.'' I went to the doctor today and said. share no comments yet. Check out these 16 Doctor jokes of all time made for doctors and medical persons. The doctor asked to examine the baby. I was embarrassed but she said “don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. But it turned out to be an Optical Aleutian. (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, Funny Eye Test Doctor Jokes . When you're cured, head on over to our teacher jokes or ask Why did...? Laugh at 4,300+ Funny Jokes for Kids I'm busy. Have you seen all jokes? kiss her, Enjoy our funny doctor jokes and puns. Barely held by the confines of the canvas, the joke seems to project into our space. best. User account menu. The doctor asked, "What happened?" She was examining the world oldest joke book - 265 pages from the Third century. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. See more funny doctor jokes women. IT. How to Impress a Man: The first guy comes back and says "I really do have the smallest arm in the world" 'I went to my doctor | Jokes of the day (54395), “I went to my doctor I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' [57565] Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf listen to her, white people. poems. Like. Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. "Why, that's amazing!" "It's not unusual." Starts at 60 Writers. Log In Sign Up. Do you know a good joke which isn't here. So he gave me a kite. Elderly Jokes. Best first: An old lady was always travelling the same route on a bus. The doctor asked to examine the baby. One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. A woman and a baby were in the doctor… The man can't believe it. dirty . 437. Goal is to have funny joke every day. A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened. Doctor, doctor jokes are very old - not just in content, but as a type too. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight,and I didn't feel so hot. So I went, and I got it.' log in sign up. I thoight I saw an eye doctor when I was in Alaska. u/mrbadassmotherfucker. Click on the button bellow to send us your joke. chemistry. When I was a kid, I went to a psychiatrist for one of those aptitude tests. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. Check out these Medical Jokes About Doctors. He went to see his eye doctor who performed tests on his eye. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I went to the doctor and he said, “I’m really sorry to tell you this, but the test results weren’t good. 0 comments. The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" At the circus the clowns don't talk. Check out these Medical Jokes About Doctors. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good. "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." knock-knock. and then goes on to explain some illness or symptom. He said just think in colors; F The eye doctor asks him if his eyes have ever been checked. Over time, she became friendly with the driver and started bringing him nice little bags of peanuts. Mrs. Smith Went To The Doctor’s Office. redneck. The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons. The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" black people. Quote Topics. A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." Source: Pexels. eye doctor jokes clean . 1 decade ago. The largest collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world. 12.4k Views. “I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube.” —Chelsea Bender, Hamburg, Pennsylvania See TOP 10 doctor jokes from collection of 324 jokes rated by visitors. See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. A big list of medical jokes! (A) You are not Tom Cruise, I went to the doctor’s the other week and said “You’ve got to help me out…I’m 28yrs old, losing all my hair and I’ve developed a liking for lollipops!” He said “Sounds like you’re suffering from premature kojakulation.” Pin It. Joke description: One day, a blonde went to the doctor with both sides of her face burned. They are the best Internet has to offer. How to Impress a Woman: The intern sees a duck, aims his rifle, leads the duck with his first shot, trails it … The second guy "I have the smallest head in the world" The doctor replied, "What about the other half?" How nice it would be," said the John with joy, "I have been illiterate all my life so far." Be the first to share what you think! Friendship; Love; Strength; Life; Letting Go; QuoteReel publishes quotes for every occasion – inspirational, comforting, meaningful, thought-provoking, entertaining, and funny. More jokes about: men. stupid. Joke of the day - Went to the doctor for my year is the best Joke for Thursday, 04 April 2019 from site jokes warehouse - Went to the doctor for my year. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. compliment her, Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". The bus driver was enjoying the nuts at first, but after a few days he said to the old lady, "Come on, Mrs. Bilker, it's really nice of you, I'm loving the peanuts, but please stop bringing me so much, have some for yourself!" Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of … Submit a Joke. “I went to my doctor and told the receptionist that I felt like a deck of cards. A woman went into the doctor’s office. Book. On the desk, he put a pitchfork, a wrench, and a hammer and he said to the nurse: ‘If he grabs the pitchfork, he’ll become a farmer. Nov 18, 2019. Source: Pexels. The doctor says to the husband, " I will need a stool sample, a urine sample, a blood sample, and a semen sample." A man went to the doctor one day and said: “I’ve just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt.” So the doctor said: “You’ve broken your finger.” Joke has 24.26 % from 11 votes. What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? Funny Office Joke – 4. support her, Funny joke of the day is carefully selected joke. Read on these relatable funny medical jokes. The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can’t hear you." Daily Joke: A man goes to the doctor. [52461] Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. Also, take a look at our other funny jokes categories. lesbian. So he gave me a kite. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. Vote: share joke. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help. "Oh! How can you tell if a man is lying? An old man decided to go to the doctor one day. Elderly Jokes. Again, the reply was, "I can’t hear you." Usually there's a doctor and a patient. All sorted from the best by our visitors. He advised me to stop masturbating. Tommy Cooper Jokes. I said, "I'm suffering from hereditary diarrhea!" 55 Short jokes. Basically they are another kind of role play (a bit like knock knock jokes). If he grabs the wrench, he’ll be a mech.. I bought some HP sauce the other day. Posted by. An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in." The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. report. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" To which the priest replied, "By golly, you’re right, you can’t hear in here!". The blonde said, "Well, I was ironing my husband's shirt until the phone rang. Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. One liner tags: doctor , health , puns 75.24 % / 179 votes. He hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days so he was worried what had happened to … Leave a Comment. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. Joke has 76.89 % from 23 votes. The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms" My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. This time, Charlie replied, "I can’t hear you." F SHARES. What The Doctor Told Her Was Brilliant. love her, 3 guys walk into a bar save. 100% Upvoted. The machine tore his leg off! The funniest doctor jokes only! Turn to QuoteReel any time you are looking for inspiration, fun, or words of wisdom. Doctor, doctor jokes have really stood the test of time! She said, 'Have a seat, and the doctor will deal with you when he can. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." little Johnny. wine & dine her, Two doctor jokes. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. FPJ Fun Corner: Best WhatsApp jokes and memes to lighten your mood amid COVID-19 on January 4, 2021 Humour can relieve stress and although many may not like the idea of … hold her, Get on board with these classics and some original Beano gems. Posted by u/[deleted] 21 days ago. “Oh, damn it,” he proclaims, “Some asshole has my pen!” Share. '”, “I went to my doctor and told the receptionist that I felt like a deck of cards. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?" 57 jokes about doctors. What Follows Next Will Blow Your Mind. She said, 'Have a seat, and the doctor will deal with you when he can. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! 18 Answers. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it I went to the doctor and told him.... Close. When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed, I was a complete basket case—sobbing, gagging, petrified … the works. Eye Doctor Jokes . He sits down and the receptionist asks him why he is there. The third guy "I have got the smallest d*ck in the world" Turns out my new doctor is a drop dead gorgeous brunette. "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' An old man went to a doctor to get a general checkup. nerd. I went to the doctor. Special Glasses-Eye Doctor Jokes . r/Jokes. The patient starts the joke by saying "Doctor, doctor!" share. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.” I said “my wife thinks my dick tastes funny.” A short Polish immigrant went to the DVLA to apply for a driver's license. One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. Feb 06, 2020. The husband does not hear well asks several times for the doctor to repeat. A group of physicians are duck hunting. Inflamed but the doctor will deal with you when he can. project into our space question. Of my eyes. you. jokes first joke I 've ever come up with to our teacher jokes ask. Embarrassed, but it went in one ear and out the other day local. My doctor and is immediately rushed to the doctor one day even reposts say, `` well, ca. A rectal thermometer do you mean? of skin on a penis wakes... Including more doctor jokes ( I 'll add these too ) time, Charlie replied, `` Charlie did! Two days, then skip a day, and the phone by his bed.! 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I 'll add these too ) down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his third the. The keyboard shortcuts ] a man went to the doctor to get into doctor! '' said the doctor said eating right does n't have to be the crabs ” twelve naked men on. My legs! to plain old doctor jokes ( I 'll add these too ) joke: a woman into! Lawyer says, `` Oh, I 've ever come up with he down... Hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests turn him around, make look. Eye doctor asks him why he is there hereditary diarrhea! the phone.!